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Food Plate? Try the new Drink Pyramid.

Over the years, the booze that finds its way into my glass has changed. My foray into cocktails was a horrific ride on Captain Morgan’s pirate ship to Kahlua Bay, with stops to pick up shipmate Mike and his hard lemonade and this odd fellow named Yuengling who always carried a treasure chest of copper with him. He used to lick it at night – it was very strange. But, without getting into too much more detail, let’s just call this time period “The Dark Ages.”

From there, I discovered simple, but exciting new things. For example, gin was actually good in things other than a Long Island Iced Tea and whiskey was aggressively delicious. And as I’m sure any cocktail geek would say, the adventures that followed involved the unwavering desire to research and acquire every possible spirit, bitter, and syrup on the planet. Though at the end of the day, there is always Tecate or Old German in a can.

Cocktail Geeks; Malort and Zirbenz (use sparingly for torture); Obscure base spirits and bitters (1 -2 servings); Impossible-to-find liqueurs and amari (2 - 3 servings); Smuggled rum (3 - 5 servings); Tecate (in a can), Fernet, and rye whiskey (6 - 11 servings)

Rest of the World; 
Bitters (use sparingly); Out-of-season fruit juice bottle, can, or juice pouch (2 - 3 servings); Cheap rum in a plastic bottle (3 - 5 servings); MD 20/20 and woodchuck (4 - 6 servings); Ice beer (in a new-fangled useless bottle, boxed wine, or vodka (6 - 11 servings)

KP Question

  • What does your Drink Pyramid look like?

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Everlasting Gin and Tonic

(Z. T. Bitzer 2011) The Problem You sit idly on your chateau’s balcony, surveying the work of your master gardner, Rondingus Brungo, former 3rd-level Druid and failed adventurer. A gin and tonic rests on the granite balustrade with a pool of water slicking the surface underneath; the glass is beaded with a carpet of droplets […]

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Kaiser Penguin Nominated by Saveur for Best Cocktail Blog of 2011

Apparently not updating your blog wins you nominations! I couldn’t think of another two gentlemen I’d rather be crouched in a dark corner with than Jeffrey Morgenthaler and Camper English. I’m also confident no one has ever typed that sentence in the history of the human race… Winning a popularity contest against Morgenblogger is a […]

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Cheater Ingredient – Cinnamon Syrup

This series on cheater ingredients started off with grapefruit. Cinnamon is another tool in our veritable MacGyver toolkit for fixing cocktails and one that, unsurprisingly, matches very well with grapefruit. Leafing through one of my treasured reference cookbooks which might as well just be a nerdy spreadsheet of ingredient pairings, I looked for cinnamon. Cilantro […]

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Improved Chartreuse Swizzle

Thought the Chartreuse Swizzle couldn’t be improved? The Pineapple Juice Make your own pineapple juice! Canned pineapple juice is a horrific, Reaver-like abomination not worthy of even your tipsiest patron. Bottled, “high-quality” pineapple juice is not much better. Do you use bottled lemon juice? Exactly. The creamy tang and brightness of fresh pineapple juice is […]

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Filed In: Cocktail Recipes



Kaiser Penguin is a cocktail blog featuring original recipes, homemade ingredients, classic cocktails, and tiki drinks.

Why on Earth did you name your blog “Kaiser Penguin?”

It is a well-known fact that penguins are members of high society and enjoy fine cocktails. Our very own kaiser penguin would like me to mention that he also enjoys various treats from the sea.